Peter

Growing up an Army brat, I have met people who became my best friend in minutes only to never see that particular soulmate ever again. I have also met people that crossed my path who I did not become close with but they too slipped into the void of my past, now equal with those I treasured. Then there are those who turn up after years of never knowing if they were alive or dead to find that God has put them in my path again, and maybe this time to be friends instead of enemies. The funny thing is I have remebered all of my fellow brats that crossed pasts with me, and apparently some of them remember me as well, in a way none of us have a choice, I suppose it is hard to explain.

Peter found me on myspace today, many thoughts are plauging me. Honestly, I cannot remember if I was mean to him, although I must have been cordial becuase he found me to tell me he remembers me and those months where we were not friends. I hope I have found a new friend in an old foe, I think God has made my role in Ft. Irwin obvious to me after my struggle with it. Everything you say, every look you give how you treat every person you ever meet, even if you are soncvinced you will never see them again- each person has the ability to change a life, to impact for good or evil. Every word you say, there is someone that will remember it. What a challenge to meet. I felt convicted and compelled to actually for once not just enjoy this quote, but iron it to my life. You never know.

"It is a serious thing... to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations...There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations- these are mortal, and thier life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit- immortal horrors or everlasting splendors." - CS Lewis

"Forever is composed of nows" - Emily Dickinson

Forever Friends?

I went camping this weekend and I had more fun than I expected. The last time I went camping, I was in Venice, Italy. I am just not a camping person. Don't get me wrong, I love being outdoors...but camping hard core? eh, not so much. But I had so much fun this weekend! I am as red as a lobster and very tired, but oh what fun. The only downfall was certain people who chose to engage in excessive table talk and cheat at spades (it got them nowhere, we won anyway). Ah well, I digress. It made me think a lot about who I choose to surround myself with, who I choose to cherish, who I choose to admire and maintain relationships with. It made me think about who will end up being my life long friends. hmmm. This is interesting to speculate about, although I am aware that anything may happen and we will never know, or believe, what the future holds, but still... I think I can at least garuntee a few relationships that I simply could not imagine not still being a part of my life when I am old. Anyway, just thinking and wanting to blog.


OH! by the way- I think it is hilarious that apparently the Backstreet Boys have a new song out?! I wasn't aware they were still together... it is just like seventh grade all over again! HAHAHAHAHA. I find that incredibly amusing, maybe I am just spent too much time in the sun after all. :)

Mike, I miss you more than you know.

The Rebellion Begins...

One thing I can say is that I never really struggled with open rebellion against my parents. Sure, I get just as annoyed with how little they seemed to know when I was in junior high, or how overprotective they insisted on being as everyone else, but I don't really like to get in trouble. I have never had detention in my life, not that I say that with pride... I was the kid that always did what they were told and never questioned authority becuase I simply hated the feeling I got when I was yelled at. The interesting thing is that now that I am out of the house and there is not the risk of me actually ever getting yelled at again, risky behavior seems more appealing. Then again, risky behavior by my definition is getting my belly button peirced. That's right, my roomate and I decided "CARPE DIEM and happy birthday to us!" We do what we want. We were so intent on achieving rebellion, we talked to our parents and then proceeded to risk our lives to pierce our navals. "Who cares what people think? Who cares what they say about us? ....those bad rebellious girls...
At 16 I was told I would be cut off financially if I got my belly button pierced like my best friend... at about 19, they laugh, shake their heads, and then scowl behind your back.
WOW. hahahaha.

Yesterday evening it was storming terribbly [uh, actually quite sick of this rainy summer crap] . It wasn't just storming though, it was a good old State-encompassing-Oklahoma-world-ending-nature-temper-tantrum. Maybe God was punishing us for driving to Tulsa to be rebellious on a Sunday...

The peircing place was surprisingly but thankfully sterile, but still managed to disturb me with the freakish artwork of naked people with chains attached to their peircings then making them into marienettes. The employees were very serious about their line of work and very nice, which was somewhat was comforting. Although, there was a man who could have out his Skol ring in his earlobes and hold his tocacco there, that was just crazy.

Dacia and I and our moral support were then led into the room with our freshly sterilized hardware and took turns being harpooned. It really was not as horrble as I expected, but definitely not as quick and I would have preferred. Dacia alomost passed out, I made it through just fine. We took pictures. hehe.
So I now have a small pink rhinestone resting atop my belly button as proof of my rebellious bonding experience with my roomate. What else is college for?

So I wonder if I have now gotten my rebellion out of my system... if not, I think next it will be a hilarious feat ending in jail, because don't you know... we have a habit of that... stupid ducks.

Degrees of Separation

I have heard of the 5 or 6 degrees of separation between everyone, but you don't really think about it until you meet someone randomly connected to you somehow. Then there is this job of mine. I have found that while I address thousands upon thousands of envelopes of free samples, I begin to notice things. For instance, certain people obviously discovered our website and then called everyone they were related to so that they could sign up as well. However, it does not end there... :) Then those extended families tell all thier friends in their towns who then tell all of their extended family ... and voila, everyone on this database of mine is strangely connected to each other and thier life paths have crossed, but crossed as briefly as when our paths cross with those with whom we share the interstate. It also strikes me that either I or my own family memebers have lived in many of these towns, and I wonder if I am connected to these people more directly than I realize... or am I just soo unbelievably bored at work that I think up these completely random and ridiculous ideas purely for my own entertainment? hmmm. haha. Oh well, either way, it intrigues me for sure.

I miss my daddy.

I think he should come home.

Alas, Qatar til July.... the countdown has begun.

Existential Funk?

I will expalin that I am living in my very first apartment this summer in the city and being a "big girl". I used to yearn to be a big girl, back when I was three and it made the difference between me sleeping in a crib or big bed in the hospital... but times change.

I thought I wanted to be an adult this summer, hmm... maybe its more difficult that I suspected. Do not get me wrong, I am technically just fine but i am infinitely lonely.

A full time job and a roomate who works late nights makes for no social life for me. Therefore, I cling to my computer as my sole venue for human contact... this disturbes me.

This is my problem, I am very lonely.. something I have never truly experienced before, I have always had at least my family. Hence, I have entered into a time where I feel a bit down because I am not someone who enjoys being alone, except to have occasional literary vacations.

I have had this time to examine myself and my thoughts and spend lots of quality time in parayer because God is always there... but I miss tangible human interaction, especially with people I care about.

Of course, it could be much much worse and I am truly thankful for all of my blessings... but I cannot seem to help feeling very alone right now.

So...I suppose the point is that I was accused of being in an existential funk, a period of common human existance. Except... upon thinking about it, I do not think that Kierkegaard or Sartre and I are friends. Maybe Aquinas and Pascal? not sure... did they think along these lines? I cannot recall right now. I think they all liked being alone.

Oh well, I think this may be my deepest, most depressing blog yet, I usually enjoy keeping it superficially upbeat and fun...

"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." C.S. Lewis

"When thinking about companions gone, we feel ourselves doubly alone." Walter Scott