so here is something silly....
I have been blogging frequently when my mind is so full I need an outlet... except what comes out is a bit too personal for me to publish. Even for me... in all my fame for wearing my emotions on my sleeve.
I think I will copy them into my journal.
It just isn't fit to bear my soul that completely to cyberspace and those who read my blog.
I hope to have a funny story to post soon... or at least something worth sharing.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Something I have realized about myself:
I crave affirmation of my decisions. I do not feel completely confident in any of my choices unless i have about 5 different people whom I value and respect tell me that I have made the correct decision. I now recognize this about myself, especially of late, and I wonder why this is so. I am a fairly confident girl, I respect myself and my ideals, and yet it appears that I lack trust in myself? I am perplexed. I only gain peace once I am affirmed. The most frustrating thing is why do I trust these other people who probably only really know part of the entire "big picture" of the situation. How is their decison one that merits ay value? And yet it holds all the value in the world to me.
And here I am craving the approving nod from those I admire and the prayer that I just said gives me little comfort. I am exasperated with my self reliance on tangible acceptance. I should feel peace after a prayer for guidance and wisdom and affirmation of my desision. Though I may be answered in this through these people I seek, my peace does not always come until I get that earthly nod.
I roll my eyes at myself and my confusion, but that doesn't help either.
I crave affirmation of my decisions. I do not feel completely confident in any of my choices unless i have about 5 different people whom I value and respect tell me that I have made the correct decision. I now recognize this about myself, especially of late, and I wonder why this is so. I am a fairly confident girl, I respect myself and my ideals, and yet it appears that I lack trust in myself? I am perplexed. I only gain peace once I am affirmed. The most frustrating thing is why do I trust these other people who probably only really know part of the entire "big picture" of the situation. How is their decison one that merits ay value? And yet it holds all the value in the world to me.
And here I am craving the approving nod from those I admire and the prayer that I just said gives me little comfort. I am exasperated with my self reliance on tangible acceptance. I should feel peace after a prayer for guidance and wisdom and affirmation of my desision. Though I may be answered in this through these people I seek, my peace does not always come until I get that earthly nod.
I roll my eyes at myself and my confusion, but that doesn't help either.
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