as my head swims

I do not understand Godel sentences. Either I am dumb at philosophical apologetics or my professor's lofty language is just uninterpretable.

Kung Fu Hustle

This past weekend I was subjected to some of the most tasteless cinematic roll I have ever experienced. I felt terrible since it is a movie that people I care about deeply thouroughly enjoy this movie...yet I did not. So, I have watched this movie and come to the similar opinion of Carin. I thought it was garish and insipid. I apologize profusely to anyone I may have offended.

I also went to a Chiefs game which was an interesting commentary on human behavior, but I had a blast. Apparently, the fight chant for the team is "We're gonna beat the Hell outta you! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!"... and they did.

I wish airplanes had wireless

I recently got the privilege of flying in to Chicago O'Hare when the sun was setting and out when dusk had set. I have to say, from thoudands of feet, Chicago is one of the most beautful cities in twilight. There are moments like that where I, and I may be the only one, have some odd things on my mind besides the unique beauty outside the small window. I always wonder who is watching my airplane. At that moment someone is seeing us from the opposite perspective and the paths of our lives have crossed. Are they wishing they were on this plane, no matter where it is going? I often wish I were on the planes that I see above me and I wonder if they are wondering back.

Also, I could have been so much more productive if airplanes had wireless. Oh well I suppose that they are being wise. Although, if I know myself at all I probably would have stared out the window anyway. Sometimes that is just what you need... simply to stare out the window. The mind can be most entertaining.

At the risk of sounding like and awful person...

The reason I am enrolled in this institution of higher learning is to do just that.. learn. Apparently I am a freak of nature, and of our popular culture for that matter, and academic apathy runs rampant in the veins of this student body.

Finally

I am sitting here in my new suite with my roomate while she listens to Boyz2Men and Maroon5 and we discuss nothing in particular, except it is a mutual sadness that we miss our sweet little apartment more than we ever thought we would. Our Suitemate is nice and seemingly easy to live with so far, but it has certainly taken getting used to having someone else added into the equation. Yet, there is a pleasant comfort and the closet feeling of home being here in this world of OC. All of our friends have returned, and while life is always changing... these people are as familiar as a hometown. It is nice to be in this company. Most of all, I am enjoying the forever presence of the love of my life.

Jars of Clay gave a free concert last night and I was more excited than anyone else in my group was, but I did not care, they soothe my soul and I could listen to Dan Hasseltine all night. It was wonderful.

My Harry Potter depression has lifted... sorry to have sounded so vindictive in my earlier blog, I promise it was not directed at any particular individual. I was set off by a more recent incident and got fed up. Sorry honey.

Some people just don't understand

I have Post- Harry Potter Depression.

I also have mean and pointed words for people who find it the least bit comical to reveal anything about the ending of the latest addition to the series.

You obviously do not get it, it is very rude and I am beyond frustrated at the fact that it was ruined.

It was worth reading it for myself anyway, I mean how could I not?
But seriously ~


by the way Sam... how long did this particular 'spell' last you and doug?

oh goodness

I started my new job today and I am so thankful that I met my quota for selling jeans and I didn't even know I had a quota. Plus , I love the dress code, but I am pretty sure I may have fractured my foot bones after wearing my heels on marble. Haha.

After all the insanity leading up to my first day of work, I am relieved that it went well. God gave me peace, finally...but I should have remembered He always does. I am recognizing that I have been having some serious anxiety issues, the source is unbeknowst to me. But a sucessful first day has a certain burden-lifting effect. That, and having someone in your life who would walk you into work if they could and hold your hand, but instead pray with you the whole drive to work. [I had my eyes open so I did not crash my car ;) ] Anyways, God is always faithful to me, I have no idea why I doubt Him at all.


Oh what a tangled web we weave..."

not even sure there is a good title

Do you ever consider that the meaning of an apology or the resolution of a problem would cause the problem to desist? Is not that the point of a solution? Then what, pray tell, would be the point in ever bringing anything up for discussion if you have to bring up the same concern more than once? It makes one feel foolish and even like an annoyance. Is it better to ignore and push away or resolve until resolved? Ignoring a matter or ignoring the solution of it just breeds pain and confusion. Then what would be the solution to that?

still feeling sick.

hmm...

I wanted to update my blog, but I do not have anything of humor or consequence to post. There has not been much on my mind lately except my stomach. The uneasiness it feels from too much lean cuisine and this awful diet, the butterflys that have made their home there in regards to this new job, and the general sinking feeling that is inside my tummy when I consider this next school year in general. Is it stress? Is it nervousness? Is it disappointment? Or is it unwarrented fears? Probably all of the above... but no matter the cause... my stomach os not well.

Oh I miss this boy!!! More than he knows I think. "I don't feel right when you're gone away"

Much-Afraid

"Much-Afraid stared at him in amazement. 'Go to the High Places,' she exclaimed, 'and live there? Oh, if only I could! For months past the longing has never left me. I think of it day and night, but it is not possible. I could never get there. I am too lame.' She looked down at her malformed feet as she spoke, and her eyes filled with tears and despair and self-pity. 'These mountains are so steep and dangerous, I have been told that only hinds and deer can move on them safely.'

'It is quite true that the way up to the High Places is both difficult and dangerous,' Said the Shepherd. 'It has to be, so that nothing which is the enemy of Love can make the ascent and invade the Kingdom. Nothing blemished or in any way imperfect is allowed there, and the inhabitants of the High Places do need hinds' feet...I promise to help you develop hinds feet...' "

From Hinds' Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard.

all should read this beautiful allegory, it touches the aching heart.

in between

Right now I am in Indiana in between visiting family I haven't seen for a year and our PCS destination of Pennsylvania. I am in between lots of things actually... OH well. YAY for "getting out of dodge", but I am missing my friends. :) I have loved catching up on everyone's blogs :) very entertaining. Oh yeah, I have also discovered that I have become a very picky hotel conossuier [sp?] Sometimes you just don't want to sleep on those sheets... a little sketchy. lol, i am sure I will survive. And to anyone who has been to Branson- the Kirby and Brett magic show is brilliant but it lasts for about 4 hours... after the 30th ping pong ball has dissapeared, its about time to go home. Although I have yet to figure out how they cut the girls in half and switched thier bottoms. hmmm.

Anyway, I am having internet withdrawls and tis one shortlived connection will probably have to last me until the 25th. How sad. At least I haven't locked myslef out of my hotel rooms. hahaha. J/K!! I love you so much dacia and carin!!!

"An evening in ..." anywhere but here!

I have had such an urge to travel lately. Travelling has always been a part of my life, but the last few weeks I have had such a desire to just take off. I want to go to Europe more than anything, but I could settle for Savannah, even San Antonio, SOMWHERE. I am longing to be adventurous!! If I had the money, I'd be gone and on a cruise to Bermuda faster than you could say "irresponisble" . Hey, you only live once. Why not travel the world and appreciate everything God has created, because he did in fact create things outside the Mid West. So, if there is ever a long period in which I have been MIA from the bloogong network, then you will know that my literary vacations to England and South Carolina are no longer satisfying me and I have taken off to Neverland.

Then agian, maybe thats why I have been looking forward to going to Pennsylvania with my family, I just want to get out~ I think it will do for now and actually probably be good for me. But I should not forget that I got the next best thing to a vacation in Bavaria... I had a marvelous time entertaining good friends and had a fabulous birthday weekend!!

Peter

Growing up an Army brat, I have met people who became my best friend in minutes only to never see that particular soulmate ever again. I have also met people that crossed my path who I did not become close with but they too slipped into the void of my past, now equal with those I treasured. Then there are those who turn up after years of never knowing if they were alive or dead to find that God has put them in my path again, and maybe this time to be friends instead of enemies. The funny thing is I have remebered all of my fellow brats that crossed pasts with me, and apparently some of them remember me as well, in a way none of us have a choice, I suppose it is hard to explain.

Peter found me on myspace today, many thoughts are plauging me. Honestly, I cannot remember if I was mean to him, although I must have been cordial becuase he found me to tell me he remembers me and those months where we were not friends. I hope I have found a new friend in an old foe, I think God has made my role in Ft. Irwin obvious to me after my struggle with it. Everything you say, every look you give how you treat every person you ever meet, even if you are soncvinced you will never see them again- each person has the ability to change a life, to impact for good or evil. Every word you say, there is someone that will remember it. What a challenge to meet. I felt convicted and compelled to actually for once not just enjoy this quote, but iron it to my life. You never know.

"It is a serious thing... to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations...There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations- these are mortal, and thier life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit- immortal horrors or everlasting splendors." - CS Lewis

"Forever is composed of nows" - Emily Dickinson

Forever Friends?

I went camping this weekend and I had more fun than I expected. The last time I went camping, I was in Venice, Italy. I am just not a camping person. Don't get me wrong, I love being outdoors...but camping hard core? eh, not so much. But I had so much fun this weekend! I am as red as a lobster and very tired, but oh what fun. The only downfall was certain people who chose to engage in excessive table talk and cheat at spades (it got them nowhere, we won anyway). Ah well, I digress. It made me think a lot about who I choose to surround myself with, who I choose to cherish, who I choose to admire and maintain relationships with. It made me think about who will end up being my life long friends. hmmm. This is interesting to speculate about, although I am aware that anything may happen and we will never know, or believe, what the future holds, but still... I think I can at least garuntee a few relationships that I simply could not imagine not still being a part of my life when I am old. Anyway, just thinking and wanting to blog.


OH! by the way- I think it is hilarious that apparently the Backstreet Boys have a new song out?! I wasn't aware they were still together... it is just like seventh grade all over again! HAHAHAHAHA. I find that incredibly amusing, maybe I am just spent too much time in the sun after all. :)

Mike, I miss you more than you know.

The Rebellion Begins...

One thing I can say is that I never really struggled with open rebellion against my parents. Sure, I get just as annoyed with how little they seemed to know when I was in junior high, or how overprotective they insisted on being as everyone else, but I don't really like to get in trouble. I have never had detention in my life, not that I say that with pride... I was the kid that always did what they were told and never questioned authority becuase I simply hated the feeling I got when I was yelled at. The interesting thing is that now that I am out of the house and there is not the risk of me actually ever getting yelled at again, risky behavior seems more appealing. Then again, risky behavior by my definition is getting my belly button peirced. That's right, my roomate and I decided "CARPE DIEM and happy birthday to us!" We do what we want. We were so intent on achieving rebellion, we talked to our parents and then proceeded to risk our lives to pierce our navals. "Who cares what people think? Who cares what they say about us? ....those bad rebellious girls...
At 16 I was told I would be cut off financially if I got my belly button pierced like my best friend... at about 19, they laugh, shake their heads, and then scowl behind your back.
WOW. hahahaha.

Yesterday evening it was storming terribbly [uh, actually quite sick of this rainy summer crap] . It wasn't just storming though, it was a good old State-encompassing-Oklahoma-world-ending-nature-temper-tantrum. Maybe God was punishing us for driving to Tulsa to be rebellious on a Sunday...

The peircing place was surprisingly but thankfully sterile, but still managed to disturb me with the freakish artwork of naked people with chains attached to their peircings then making them into marienettes. The employees were very serious about their line of work and very nice, which was somewhat was comforting. Although, there was a man who could have out his Skol ring in his earlobes and hold his tocacco there, that was just crazy.

Dacia and I and our moral support were then led into the room with our freshly sterilized hardware and took turns being harpooned. It really was not as horrble as I expected, but definitely not as quick and I would have preferred. Dacia alomost passed out, I made it through just fine. We took pictures. hehe.
So I now have a small pink rhinestone resting atop my belly button as proof of my rebellious bonding experience with my roomate. What else is college for?

So I wonder if I have now gotten my rebellion out of my system... if not, I think next it will be a hilarious feat ending in jail, because don't you know... we have a habit of that... stupid ducks.

Degrees of Separation

I have heard of the 5 or 6 degrees of separation between everyone, but you don't really think about it until you meet someone randomly connected to you somehow. Then there is this job of mine. I have found that while I address thousands upon thousands of envelopes of free samples, I begin to notice things. For instance, certain people obviously discovered our website and then called everyone they were related to so that they could sign up as well. However, it does not end there... :) Then those extended families tell all thier friends in their towns who then tell all of their extended family ... and voila, everyone on this database of mine is strangely connected to each other and thier life paths have crossed, but crossed as briefly as when our paths cross with those with whom we share the interstate. It also strikes me that either I or my own family memebers have lived in many of these towns, and I wonder if I am connected to these people more directly than I realize... or am I just soo unbelievably bored at work that I think up these completely random and ridiculous ideas purely for my own entertainment? hmmm. haha. Oh well, either way, it intrigues me for sure.

I miss my daddy.

I think he should come home.

Alas, Qatar til July.... the countdown has begun.

Existential Funk?

I will expalin that I am living in my very first apartment this summer in the city and being a "big girl". I used to yearn to be a big girl, back when I was three and it made the difference between me sleeping in a crib or big bed in the hospital... but times change.

I thought I wanted to be an adult this summer, hmm... maybe its more difficult that I suspected. Do not get me wrong, I am technically just fine but i am infinitely lonely.

A full time job and a roomate who works late nights makes for no social life for me. Therefore, I cling to my computer as my sole venue for human contact... this disturbes me.

This is my problem, I am very lonely.. something I have never truly experienced before, I have always had at least my family. Hence, I have entered into a time where I feel a bit down because I am not someone who enjoys being alone, except to have occasional literary vacations.

I have had this time to examine myself and my thoughts and spend lots of quality time in parayer because God is always there... but I miss tangible human interaction, especially with people I care about.

Of course, it could be much much worse and I am truly thankful for all of my blessings... but I cannot seem to help feeling very alone right now.

So...I suppose the point is that I was accused of being in an existential funk, a period of common human existance. Except... upon thinking about it, I do not think that Kierkegaard or Sartre and I are friends. Maybe Aquinas and Pascal? not sure... did they think along these lines? I cannot recall right now. I think they all liked being alone.

Oh well, I think this may be my deepest, most depressing blog yet, I usually enjoy keeping it superficially upbeat and fun...

"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." C.S. Lewis

"When thinking about companions gone, we feel ourselves doubly alone." Walter Scott

"...L is for the way you look at me..."