Let it snow, let it snow...

This picture made me laugh, Jonathan and Aaron were playing in the snow. Aaron is the one in the picture. This is what happens when you still wanna do everything you older brother tells you to. :) It made my day.

It snowed on Wednesday and was about 4 degrees outside, today it is 65 and all the snow is gone which makes me sad. However, Pennsylvania has almost 10! I get to have a white Christmas this year, it will be the first one since I was 8.

pondering significance

"Nothing of importance happened today." - King George III in his journal entry dated July 4, 1776.

The irony of that statement.

It gives me somewhat of a foreboding feeling when I consider that the most seemily insignificant days and the smallest of decisions have the extraordinary ability to change your life forever.

Honey-nut Christmas

I am sitting here facing a chapter in Evidences and a Bible test tomorrow and yet there are a million other things I can think of that are so much more entertaining, like blogging, for instance. More accurately, I am sitting here being the ultimate distracted procrastinator with a box of Honey-nut Cheerios listening to the Christmas music playlists I have just created. A moment ago I was singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" along with Twila Paris and "The Christmas Song" with Bing while shoving my mouth with dozens of little honey-nut o's. Then I laughed in spite of myself because I am conviced that if I was Dacia and I had walked in on that, I would have died laughing and made fun of me. Yes, I have joined the rest of commercialism and started celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving. Ah well, there are only a few months out of the year that you can get away with it. ;)

Book recommendation!!!

I have a book recommendation!! The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. LeGuin. It is a realtively short read and full of thought provoking elements.
Intriguing. I would love to discuss it with someone.

Star Trek, Thanksgiving, and archetypes

I absolutely love this literature class, I have just learned that while we study the utopia/dystopia archetype [my new favorite way to look at things] we will be examining science fiction to some degree. Science fiction exemplifies this archetype often and is probably the most creative and interesting genre to study, especially in regards to this archetype. We are scheduled to read a novel and several short stories and ...ah yes... watch some Star Trek: The Next Generation and do a character analysis on Captain Picard. I am throughly amused.

What will I be doing over Thanksgiving break? Watching Star Trek for Lit class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have never looked forward to a Thanksgiving more than I look forward to this one. Of course, there are more reasons than Star Trek.

It's a beautiful day today. ~
I would love to nap in a grassy flower field near a big oak tree and a stream.
I have had three hours of sleep and I do not anticipate much sleep tonight either. Tomorrow is a full day of tests and presentations and I do nto anticipate a meal today until 10:30 tonight. Ah well. the queerest thing to happen to me this week is that the new "fun thing" at work is for every credit card you get a customer to apply for... you get a lottery ticket. All 4 have won me nothing so far. Honestly, just give me the three bucks and be done with it. I would be 12 dollars richer, dang it!

...yet computers are not really that good for listening

I have good days i really do, I actually am a very happy person, but I have realized that, of late, I only feel like posting when I am either angry or down or plain overwhelmed about something. Maybe thats not so healthy~ relying on a computer to vent to... Oh well maybe I should pray more when I am feeling like this.

Does anyone else feel like screaming so loud, and just letting the tears fall from your face~ somewhere that no one but you and God can be...?

There are not enough hours in the day to get anything done.

sometimes windows can't be opened

I think that in some ways fall break was bad for me. I feel weary and basically frustrated. I want to enjoy life to its fullest, so what on Earth in holding me back? myself? I am trying my best to sieze hold of this time in my life because I know it will be over in an instant and yet I cannot help looking to the future to another time and another place. Maybe the inner army child is aching for change and adventure. "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired" I feel like life has so much more to offer sometimes and then other times I feel undoubtedly happy and content. Maybe its just a phase, maybe its because I am sick and everythiing feels harder when you don't feel well. This dorm room epitomizes how my life feels today. You can't open the window.

Ok~ I deemed it time for a new post, and yet I found myself sharing in the common experience of not having anything profound to share. Oh well. I will most likely have plenty to say when I return from seeing my parents in Pennsylvania [which I am beyond excited about].

I am as excited to go back to my family as a child is in the hotel room the night before she goes into Disney World for the first time...
thats pretty excited.

Fare thee well. The semester is half over.

"Few delights can equal the mere presence of one whom we fully trust."
-George McDonald

Pi Zeta Phi ~ rocks?

So after rush MONTH, I have a achieved approved social status among the girls in Pi Zeta Phi social club. Do not get me wrong, I am ecstatic to be associated with this amazing, fun, and Godly group of girls. The problem is that now it is Pledge Week. I am fairly confident that I will sufficiently run out of time to breathe, let alone sleep. I am aware that I will probably never forget this week, I just hope that it is a fond and amusing reminisce and not look back on regretting how I used my time.

This requires much prayer, hind sight is 20/20 and I am also aware that this could quite possibly one of the dumbest stresses I have ever had. [ Yeah, thats right, it doesn't even get to be called a problem, just a stress. ]

I hope you are all well!!

Sam and Doug, I miss you both terribly and I hope you are well!

as my head swims

I do not understand Godel sentences. Either I am dumb at philosophical apologetics or my professor's lofty language is just uninterpretable.

Kung Fu Hustle

This past weekend I was subjected to some of the most tasteless cinematic roll I have ever experienced. I felt terrible since it is a movie that people I care about deeply thouroughly enjoy this movie...yet I did not. So, I have watched this movie and come to the similar opinion of Carin. I thought it was garish and insipid. I apologize profusely to anyone I may have offended.

I also went to a Chiefs game which was an interesting commentary on human behavior, but I had a blast. Apparently, the fight chant for the team is "We're gonna beat the Hell outta you! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!"... and they did.

I wish airplanes had wireless

I recently got the privilege of flying in to Chicago O'Hare when the sun was setting and out when dusk had set. I have to say, from thoudands of feet, Chicago is one of the most beautful cities in twilight. There are moments like that where I, and I may be the only one, have some odd things on my mind besides the unique beauty outside the small window. I always wonder who is watching my airplane. At that moment someone is seeing us from the opposite perspective and the paths of our lives have crossed. Are they wishing they were on this plane, no matter where it is going? I often wish I were on the planes that I see above me and I wonder if they are wondering back.

Also, I could have been so much more productive if airplanes had wireless. Oh well I suppose that they are being wise. Although, if I know myself at all I probably would have stared out the window anyway. Sometimes that is just what you need... simply to stare out the window. The mind can be most entertaining.

At the risk of sounding like and awful person...

The reason I am enrolled in this institution of higher learning is to do just that.. learn. Apparently I am a freak of nature, and of our popular culture for that matter, and academic apathy runs rampant in the veins of this student body.

Finally

I am sitting here in my new suite with my roomate while she listens to Boyz2Men and Maroon5 and we discuss nothing in particular, except it is a mutual sadness that we miss our sweet little apartment more than we ever thought we would. Our Suitemate is nice and seemingly easy to live with so far, but it has certainly taken getting used to having someone else added into the equation. Yet, there is a pleasant comfort and the closet feeling of home being here in this world of OC. All of our friends have returned, and while life is always changing... these people are as familiar as a hometown. It is nice to be in this company. Most of all, I am enjoying the forever presence of the love of my life.

Jars of Clay gave a free concert last night and I was more excited than anyone else in my group was, but I did not care, they soothe my soul and I could listen to Dan Hasseltine all night. It was wonderful.

My Harry Potter depression has lifted... sorry to have sounded so vindictive in my earlier blog, I promise it was not directed at any particular individual. I was set off by a more recent incident and got fed up. Sorry honey.

Some people just don't understand

I have Post- Harry Potter Depression.

I also have mean and pointed words for people who find it the least bit comical to reveal anything about the ending of the latest addition to the series.

You obviously do not get it, it is very rude and I am beyond frustrated at the fact that it was ruined.

It was worth reading it for myself anyway, I mean how could I not?
But seriously ~


by the way Sam... how long did this particular 'spell' last you and doug?

oh goodness

I started my new job today and I am so thankful that I met my quota for selling jeans and I didn't even know I had a quota. Plus , I love the dress code, but I am pretty sure I may have fractured my foot bones after wearing my heels on marble. Haha.

After all the insanity leading up to my first day of work, I am relieved that it went well. God gave me peace, finally...but I should have remembered He always does. I am recognizing that I have been having some serious anxiety issues, the source is unbeknowst to me. But a sucessful first day has a certain burden-lifting effect. That, and having someone in your life who would walk you into work if they could and hold your hand, but instead pray with you the whole drive to work. [I had my eyes open so I did not crash my car ;) ] Anyways, God is always faithful to me, I have no idea why I doubt Him at all.


Oh what a tangled web we weave..."

not even sure there is a good title

Do you ever consider that the meaning of an apology or the resolution of a problem would cause the problem to desist? Is not that the point of a solution? Then what, pray tell, would be the point in ever bringing anything up for discussion if you have to bring up the same concern more than once? It makes one feel foolish and even like an annoyance. Is it better to ignore and push away or resolve until resolved? Ignoring a matter or ignoring the solution of it just breeds pain and confusion. Then what would be the solution to that?

still feeling sick.

hmm...

I wanted to update my blog, but I do not have anything of humor or consequence to post. There has not been much on my mind lately except my stomach. The uneasiness it feels from too much lean cuisine and this awful diet, the butterflys that have made their home there in regards to this new job, and the general sinking feeling that is inside my tummy when I consider this next school year in general. Is it stress? Is it nervousness? Is it disappointment? Or is it unwarrented fears? Probably all of the above... but no matter the cause... my stomach os not well.

Oh I miss this boy!!! More than he knows I think. "I don't feel right when you're gone away"

Much-Afraid

"Much-Afraid stared at him in amazement. 'Go to the High Places,' she exclaimed, 'and live there? Oh, if only I could! For months past the longing has never left me. I think of it day and night, but it is not possible. I could never get there. I am too lame.' She looked down at her malformed feet as she spoke, and her eyes filled with tears and despair and self-pity. 'These mountains are so steep and dangerous, I have been told that only hinds and deer can move on them safely.'

'It is quite true that the way up to the High Places is both difficult and dangerous,' Said the Shepherd. 'It has to be, so that nothing which is the enemy of Love can make the ascent and invade the Kingdom. Nothing blemished or in any way imperfect is allowed there, and the inhabitants of the High Places do need hinds' feet...I promise to help you develop hinds feet...' "

From Hinds' Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard.

all should read this beautiful allegory, it touches the aching heart.

in between

Right now I am in Indiana in between visiting family I haven't seen for a year and our PCS destination of Pennsylvania. I am in between lots of things actually... OH well. YAY for "getting out of dodge", but I am missing my friends. :) I have loved catching up on everyone's blogs :) very entertaining. Oh yeah, I have also discovered that I have become a very picky hotel conossuier [sp?] Sometimes you just don't want to sleep on those sheets... a little sketchy. lol, i am sure I will survive. And to anyone who has been to Branson- the Kirby and Brett magic show is brilliant but it lasts for about 4 hours... after the 30th ping pong ball has dissapeared, its about time to go home. Although I have yet to figure out how they cut the girls in half and switched thier bottoms. hmmm.

Anyway, I am having internet withdrawls and tis one shortlived connection will probably have to last me until the 25th. How sad. At least I haven't locked myslef out of my hotel rooms. hahaha. J/K!! I love you so much dacia and carin!!!

"An evening in ..." anywhere but here!

I have had such an urge to travel lately. Travelling has always been a part of my life, but the last few weeks I have had such a desire to just take off. I want to go to Europe more than anything, but I could settle for Savannah, even San Antonio, SOMWHERE. I am longing to be adventurous!! If I had the money, I'd be gone and on a cruise to Bermuda faster than you could say "irresponisble" . Hey, you only live once. Why not travel the world and appreciate everything God has created, because he did in fact create things outside the Mid West. So, if there is ever a long period in which I have been MIA from the bloogong network, then you will know that my literary vacations to England and South Carolina are no longer satisfying me and I have taken off to Neverland.

Then agian, maybe thats why I have been looking forward to going to Pennsylvania with my family, I just want to get out~ I think it will do for now and actually probably be good for me. But I should not forget that I got the next best thing to a vacation in Bavaria... I had a marvelous time entertaining good friends and had a fabulous birthday weekend!!

Peter

Growing up an Army brat, I have met people who became my best friend in minutes only to never see that particular soulmate ever again. I have also met people that crossed my path who I did not become close with but they too slipped into the void of my past, now equal with those I treasured. Then there are those who turn up after years of never knowing if they were alive or dead to find that God has put them in my path again, and maybe this time to be friends instead of enemies. The funny thing is I have remebered all of my fellow brats that crossed pasts with me, and apparently some of them remember me as well, in a way none of us have a choice, I suppose it is hard to explain.

Peter found me on myspace today, many thoughts are plauging me. Honestly, I cannot remember if I was mean to him, although I must have been cordial becuase he found me to tell me he remembers me and those months where we were not friends. I hope I have found a new friend in an old foe, I think God has made my role in Ft. Irwin obvious to me after my struggle with it. Everything you say, every look you give how you treat every person you ever meet, even if you are soncvinced you will never see them again- each person has the ability to change a life, to impact for good or evil. Every word you say, there is someone that will remember it. What a challenge to meet. I felt convicted and compelled to actually for once not just enjoy this quote, but iron it to my life. You never know.

"It is a serious thing... to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations...There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations- these are mortal, and thier life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit- immortal horrors or everlasting splendors." - CS Lewis

"Forever is composed of nows" - Emily Dickinson

Forever Friends?

I went camping this weekend and I had more fun than I expected. The last time I went camping, I was in Venice, Italy. I am just not a camping person. Don't get me wrong, I love being outdoors...but camping hard core? eh, not so much. But I had so much fun this weekend! I am as red as a lobster and very tired, but oh what fun. The only downfall was certain people who chose to engage in excessive table talk and cheat at spades (it got them nowhere, we won anyway). Ah well, I digress. It made me think a lot about who I choose to surround myself with, who I choose to cherish, who I choose to admire and maintain relationships with. It made me think about who will end up being my life long friends. hmmm. This is interesting to speculate about, although I am aware that anything may happen and we will never know, or believe, what the future holds, but still... I think I can at least garuntee a few relationships that I simply could not imagine not still being a part of my life when I am old. Anyway, just thinking and wanting to blog.


OH! by the way- I think it is hilarious that apparently the Backstreet Boys have a new song out?! I wasn't aware they were still together... it is just like seventh grade all over again! HAHAHAHAHA. I find that incredibly amusing, maybe I am just spent too much time in the sun after all. :)

Mike, I miss you more than you know.

The Rebellion Begins...

One thing I can say is that I never really struggled with open rebellion against my parents. Sure, I get just as annoyed with how little they seemed to know when I was in junior high, or how overprotective they insisted on being as everyone else, but I don't really like to get in trouble. I have never had detention in my life, not that I say that with pride... I was the kid that always did what they were told and never questioned authority becuase I simply hated the feeling I got when I was yelled at. The interesting thing is that now that I am out of the house and there is not the risk of me actually ever getting yelled at again, risky behavior seems more appealing. Then again, risky behavior by my definition is getting my belly button peirced. That's right, my roomate and I decided "CARPE DIEM and happy birthday to us!" We do what we want. We were so intent on achieving rebellion, we talked to our parents and then proceeded to risk our lives to pierce our navals. "Who cares what people think? Who cares what they say about us? ....those bad rebellious girls...
At 16 I was told I would be cut off financially if I got my belly button pierced like my best friend... at about 19, they laugh, shake their heads, and then scowl behind your back.
WOW. hahahaha.

Yesterday evening it was storming terribbly [uh, actually quite sick of this rainy summer crap] . It wasn't just storming though, it was a good old State-encompassing-Oklahoma-world-ending-nature-temper-tantrum. Maybe God was punishing us for driving to Tulsa to be rebellious on a Sunday...

The peircing place was surprisingly but thankfully sterile, but still managed to disturb me with the freakish artwork of naked people with chains attached to their peircings then making them into marienettes. The employees were very serious about their line of work and very nice, which was somewhat was comforting. Although, there was a man who could have out his Skol ring in his earlobes and hold his tocacco there, that was just crazy.

Dacia and I and our moral support were then led into the room with our freshly sterilized hardware and took turns being harpooned. It really was not as horrble as I expected, but definitely not as quick and I would have preferred. Dacia alomost passed out, I made it through just fine. We took pictures. hehe.
So I now have a small pink rhinestone resting atop my belly button as proof of my rebellious bonding experience with my roomate. What else is college for?

So I wonder if I have now gotten my rebellion out of my system... if not, I think next it will be a hilarious feat ending in jail, because don't you know... we have a habit of that... stupid ducks.

Degrees of Separation

I have heard of the 5 or 6 degrees of separation between everyone, but you don't really think about it until you meet someone randomly connected to you somehow. Then there is this job of mine. I have found that while I address thousands upon thousands of envelopes of free samples, I begin to notice things. For instance, certain people obviously discovered our website and then called everyone they were related to so that they could sign up as well. However, it does not end there... :) Then those extended families tell all thier friends in their towns who then tell all of their extended family ... and voila, everyone on this database of mine is strangely connected to each other and thier life paths have crossed, but crossed as briefly as when our paths cross with those with whom we share the interstate. It also strikes me that either I or my own family memebers have lived in many of these towns, and I wonder if I am connected to these people more directly than I realize... or am I just soo unbelievably bored at work that I think up these completely random and ridiculous ideas purely for my own entertainment? hmmm. haha. Oh well, either way, it intrigues me for sure.

I miss my daddy.

I think he should come home.

Alas, Qatar til July.... the countdown has begun.

Existential Funk?

I will expalin that I am living in my very first apartment this summer in the city and being a "big girl". I used to yearn to be a big girl, back when I was three and it made the difference between me sleeping in a crib or big bed in the hospital... but times change.

I thought I wanted to be an adult this summer, hmm... maybe its more difficult that I suspected. Do not get me wrong, I am technically just fine but i am infinitely lonely.

A full time job and a roomate who works late nights makes for no social life for me. Therefore, I cling to my computer as my sole venue for human contact... this disturbes me.

This is my problem, I am very lonely.. something I have never truly experienced before, I have always had at least my family. Hence, I have entered into a time where I feel a bit down because I am not someone who enjoys being alone, except to have occasional literary vacations.

I have had this time to examine myself and my thoughts and spend lots of quality time in parayer because God is always there... but I miss tangible human interaction, especially with people I care about.

Of course, it could be much much worse and I am truly thankful for all of my blessings... but I cannot seem to help feeling very alone right now.

So...I suppose the point is that I was accused of being in an existential funk, a period of common human existance. Except... upon thinking about it, I do not think that Kierkegaard or Sartre and I are friends. Maybe Aquinas and Pascal? not sure... did they think along these lines? I cannot recall right now. I think they all liked being alone.

Oh well, I think this may be my deepest, most depressing blog yet, I usually enjoy keeping it superficially upbeat and fun...

"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." C.S. Lewis

"When thinking about companions gone, we feel ourselves doubly alone." Walter Scott

"...L is for the way you look at me..." 

What's in a name?

My dear friend Carin proposed a rather perplexing idea to me recently. I found it hilarious but worthy of ponder, so I ask my friends who read my blog...

to quote her ...ish, "In approximatley fifteen years when my life gets around to me having kids, what about the name Juliet Evangeline? I mean, can you really do that, mix Shakespeare and Longfellow? I fear she would be doomed to tragedy, but what's in a name really...? ..."

hehe.

carin, if i misquoted you, feel free to correct me..... :)

A new friend...

Ok, well no one has commented on my last couple of blogs, but I will get over it.

I just wanted to share with someone my new big secret... lol!!

So, my roommate and I were both feeling emotional so we decided to take a walk and chat, you know, solve all the worlds problems... plus, "excercise makes endorphines, and endorphines make you happy... and , well, happy people don't kill thier husbands!!"

Well, a little dog begaan to follow us who is sweet and cute and looks shockingly like my favorite late dog Chloe, just a smaller version. To, make a long story short, we fell in love with her, named her Belle and now we are hiding her in our "pet free" apartment until my mom comes and adopts her.

So, Dacia and I get a fun friend to keep us distracted and my family gets a much needed replacement puppy.

Oh we only live once, why not smuggle a puppy and enjoy the cuddles. :)

summer plans

In my new apartment this week... if I can get over the fact that it was filthy when I moved in, its great! Got a job today too... 8-5 M-F that should bring interesting adventures to blog about...
So, I am officially INDEPENDENT ... hmmm, could be fun.

Elevators should all be equipped with emergency lights...

It seems as though my life (as well as the lives of my friends) has become comprable to a sitcom.
Last Monday there was a situation involving ducks, BB's and overzealous cops... but thats a different story that I will let another tell. I want to talk about my almost-but not so traumatizing experience.
I have decided that all elevators should have decent emergency lighting. The one in my University library does not. I know this because I got stuck in it, by myself, in the dark. Yeah, and apparently there is no emrgency phone either... just an intercom that is connected to campus security that has an obnoxious habit of shorting out when you are on the verge of a panic attack alone in a pitch black elevator. Ok, I admit I am ephasizing the alone and very dark part, but I should be honest... after the first few minutes of feeling around and banging on buttons ( which does not work by the way), I called out for help and after some people heard and Laughed at my precarious situation (JERKFACE) my friends figured out where I was (God bless them) and while security was working on prying me out of my super dark solitary confinement, the whole thing became extremely funny. I know that the fact that I was actually stuck on an elevator like that was most of the amusement... but its now a fairly entertaining story to tell and I can have another adventure to add to my "crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life".

"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him." -- Aldous Huxley



Doug, thanks for commenting, I apprecitate it.. you too Mike who faithfully comments every time :).

In a strange mood... here is what surfaces during odd moments like these... thougths that enter your mind, not always making sense, but at the same time... very much so.


"But I will sing of your strength,
in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
my refuge in times of trouble." Psalm 59:16

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. " Lamentations 3:22

"Love is needing to be loved." -- John Lennon

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." -- C.S. Lewis

"Why be something to everybody when you can be everything to somebody?" -- GK Chesterton

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love."

"Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in Him." Psalm 32:10

"The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights." Habbakuk 3:19

Hannah Hurnard wrote Hinds Feet in High Places...
she writes "I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way that no one else can...But it is so Happy to love. It is Happy to Love even if you are not loved in return. There is a pain too, certianly, but Love does not think that very significant."

[God gives the promise of loving us always even when we don't love Him in return, knowing Love, I may have a small insight into how might feel when we choose to take Him for granted, in all the busy-ness of my day, the very LEAST I could offer is 15 minutes of my time... You will always find time or the things you love...]

Chasing the ball and eating elephants

When everything seems daunting and you can no longer see the ball you are supposed to be on, keep in mind that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

tea and books

Well, today is another pretty day, it was blustery this morning, but now it so nice.

Pretty days never cease to make me feel better.

So, I have decided that my dream is to open a beautiful old world (NOT COUNTRY) tea shop with many rooms, each holding a different theme such as books, or art work, lotions and bath products, georgous and unique tea pots and accesories, jars and jars of my own tea blends. I will serve pastries and gourmet deceltables and have rich reading rooms in which to get lost in a classic novel while sipping a delicious Oolong with peach and ginger, or a malty assam, or maybe even darjeeling. This would be perfect if it could be inside a Victorian building with hammered tin or copper ceilings and wood floors and lots of rich colored fabrics.

So why am I majoring in Political Science again?
Please remind me, because today I just want to read in my very own tea shop.


"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." C. S. Lewis

Oh look- my new favorite quote by my FAVORITE author.

Overwhelmed

Right now I am beyond stressed, I am truly overwhelmed. I read my last post to try to regain the peace I have been experiencing, but it was in vain. I am most concerned that it is not humanly possible to complete all that will be asked of me from now until summer and do a good job with it all. In my desperate attempt to recapture Gestalt perspective, I was able to have sound enough mind to seek the Scriptures... source of life. Here is what I found:

Luke 12: 25 -26 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

Matthew 6:33-35 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "

they are verses that I already knew, but somehow, each time i revisit them is like a new peaceful revelation.

I am still stressed and probably will be for ...oh... the rest of my life..., but now I am just whelmed. [10 things i hate about you]

Word of the Wise: Do not under any circumstances take Comm 3 and Political Science Research Methods in the same semester [on top of other classes, work, a social life... maybe not any more... , and whatever] it is detrimental to your health.


Oh and for Carin and other verbose friends of mine... my new word is licentiousness ! - used in my popular culture paper... a lot of fun!!! :)

spring mornings

Last week was an interesting week...
it was the first week to "fly by" in a long time. My weeks usually drag along and the weekends pass me by in a blur. I have discovered that I thrive on being constantly busy and I work very well under pressure, but I love having nothing to do on the weekends (which is rare), or days that epitomize the word beautiful.

Speaking of beautiful,
Here we are entering spring. I adore spring, probably because when it finally arrives, I have been ready for it for over a month.
here are some random thoughts that entered my mind about spring.

Spring is fresh, spring is new, spring is most enjoyable. and superb weather to go to the zoo in.

Waking up for an eight o'clock class is more bearable when it is a perfect Spring morning.

Everything is cool and quiet, the sun feels soft and lovely. You can tell the day will be beautiful and you can simply enjoy it longer than most.

When you breathe in , the flowers are sweet and the dew is a perfect accent to the ground.

It seems necessary to praise God for a morning like this, yet the weather makes it easy.

This morning was liberaating and almost comforting. In the face of so much work that needs to be done, it made me take a step back and alter my stressed perspective.

God is wonderful, He is faithful to our needs. Praise Him for the early Spring mornings.

to Carin

Faith is a passionate intuition. William Wordsworth

my dear friend,
You are passionate about being used by God and being able to change the world. Carin Evelyn will become an even more extraordinary person than she is now, I have faith in that. I also have a passionate intuition that God hears the cries of your soul lately and He has provided an opportunity that answers your hearts desire. Remember that He IS bigger than the obstacles that we cannot see over and we mut all have faith that His faithfulnes will provide. Life should be lived my dear friend, and we have to take steps into the fog before we see the sunshine. But fog is a scary thing, it is incredibly hard to see through. I will pray for you to have strength, and wisdom, and peace and pray that you recieve all the support and prayer you need. You know you have mine.



" Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. " -Ecclesiastes 4:12

snow drifts

I feel as though lately I have been trying to walk through a snow drift.
I can see where I want to go, I can see this huge picture around me, but trudging through the snow is slow and difficult, the trek appears daunting. Albiet a beautiful sight. Sometimes I get stuck, most of the time I am cold and wet, but very happy to be where I am. Yes, the more I think about it and apply this analogy to my life, the more it seems to ring true. At this moment, I feel as though I am trudging through a snow drift. But oh yeah, I love snow.

Is love...?

a collection of quotes to muse over since "Love is in the air" this time of year~

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." -- C.S. Lewis

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -- C.S. Lewis

"Love is love's reward. " --John Dryden

"Love is the beauty of the soul."-- Saint Augustine

"It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun."-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


And of course, at the risk of being cliche', 1 Corinthians 13... although the Word is the best thing to quote.

quoteable

Everyone is quoteable, everyone is witty, even if it is a complete accident.
Have you noticed that the best inside jokes are usually quotes?

anyway~

Carin is the most quoteable friend I have, although, on occasion, I have discovered my new friend Doug to be rather brilliant and profound. Amazingly, they both managed to come up with the same idea about originality..ironic isn't it?!!!
.

"It's mostly that everything I think, I realize someone else has already said and probably better. That is why I quote instead of form opinions and read instead of write... because I truly felt I had nothing meaningful to say. It had been said. I suppose I could go on and on about this, but I'm sure it's all been said and much better..." - Doug Baker

"I find it amazing to my stark feelings of individuality, that someone has always already written the deepest thoughts Ive had. Each prayer I've prayed and expression uttered, was merely a repeat of an already spoken thought. Creativity is simply when you havent found that other persons work that mirrors yours." - Carin Cambron

I digress.

INTO MY OWN

One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm theye scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of doom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day
into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless o ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew-
Only more sure of all I thought was true.

Robert Frost


He speaks to my soul on occasion~

unmorbid

In the attempt to sound as unmorbid..not morbid? as possible, everyone should take into account that cemetaries are more than "just a bunch of dead people."

hmmm.

Baked Lays

There is a funny story that transpired today... just goes to show that you have to laugh at yourself if you have a tendency to be a little high strung.
I was upset at life in general being out of place the other day and I went to Wal-mart to buy myself Sour cream and cheddar baked Lays which have to qualify as the best chips in the world. I put them in my room and looked forward to eating them all day long!
To my dismay and slight anger, they were gone that evening... it seems my roomates friends got the munchies... grrrr. I definitely threw a small inner temper-tantrum and went to vent to Mike. He listened to me rant about the chip eaters as we drove al across town, poor thing. Of course then I felt terrible for going on like that... being his thoughtfull and sweet self, he pulled into Wal-Mart on our way to dinner with full intentions of buying me another bag of those chips! aww..
except they were out. shelf totally empty. not kidding. I was crushed.
All hopes dashed (not really, just adding drama), we walked toward the exit only to have our thoughts interrupted by the intercom which announced that sour-cream and cheddar baked lays were very delicious and on sale, buy some. Thank you Wal-Mart, I tried. It was one of those moments that you kinda want to cry, but the pure irony and coincidence is hysterical, so we burst out laughing instead. Fun times make me smile and see the big picture again, focus on the things in life that really matter!

Friends

This week I have been thinking about friends a lot. Mostly what it means to be a friend and who my true friends are. I have come to the conclusion that in general, people tend to be inconsiderate of other people and therefore make crappy friends [please excuse the cynicism]. I miss my Carin and my Melissa more desperately than I realized. They are the friends who know too much about you to not be your friend, but you love them more than life anyway...so it works out. Good thing they will probably be around when I am old and gray, I will need them then too.

I got to spend time with Melissa yesterday. My exceptional boyfriend was tuned into the fact that I seriously needed Melissa time and broke our plans so that us girls could enjoy the mall by ourselves. :)
By the way, Melissa, if you are reading this- I think we should be "expecting one on Valentines day" the next weekend I am home, my finger is itching... What a malady!!!! HAHAHA.

The point is, there are probably only a couple people in this lifetime that will ever be your true friends, cherish them. As Michael W. Smith astutely notes, "And Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them, and a friend will not say never , cause the welcome will not end....A lifetime's not too long to live as friends."

just a ponder

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become- because He made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be… It is when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” -C.S. Lewis

Car trunks and hockey games

This weekend was quite exciting... my first hockey game, my first time to let my friends stuff another friend in my trunk and drive around campus scaring people (I was not driving, but I think I laughed harder than I had in months) , and my first blog... quite eventful, I must say. "The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed."-- Nicolas Chamfort Laughter is the one of the sweetest things earthly life has to offer.~