Pretty much just the longest excited onomatopoeia

I am ENGAGED, how exciting is that? I think its funny that everyone knew about it before I did and it makes my previous post about Valentines day kinda ironic. And I must say that it was the most wonderful proposal ever. For anyone to understand the brilliance of it, they must first understand that Mike and I always take walks. It is our "thing" ever since we were first dating. The walk is always the same route around campus and then to this pier by a pond next to the school. As cheesy as it may sound, we have frequently discussed that we fell in love at that pond. We have had so many deep discussions, little moments, dances, fights, make ups, movies, and just sending alone time in a quiet place there. It is also important to know that my mom has a journal that she kept when she was first married and then when she first had me. I love that journal, and even though it has only a few entries, it means a lot to me. when we were in Books a Million several weeks ago, I saw a beautiful journal that I briefly mentioned I woudl like to have to start my own journal now to give to my daughter someday. Note all of this it will come back into play later in the story.

February 14th 2006...
Mike and I have our first class together so he called me to tell me that he had left is book for class in my car so I went to get fully knowing that it was just a cute way to get me out there and sure enough... a pretty beaded box of handmade truffles and a card that almost made me cry were in the front seat. I loved it becuase I was expecting just a simple Valentines Day since I knew we were saving. Fast forward to six o'clock...

I got his gift all ready since I had not given him his, and we met to go to dinner at Macaroni Grill [where he had made reservations] , he took me there last year an its one of our favorite places. Mike showed up in a suit looking very handsome and I gave him the chess set and photo I had for him and he hands me the journal that I had looked at several weeks ago! I was so surprised he remebered and he wrote inside about how he hoped that it would contain Our Story. I was thrilled, it was so thoughtful.

So, we went to dinner and it was fabulous [as Italian food always is] and it was a beautiful evening. I thought we were going to see Pride and Predjudice since it was at the dollar theater. [this made me very happy, I really wanted to see it] It didn't start until 9:35 and we got back from dinner at 8 so since we had time to kill, Mike suggested we go on our walk. I grabbed a coat and we left. [this is the good part]

We started talking about all the memories we had on this little walk we go on almost everyday and about the very first time we walked there and he told em how beautiful my eyes were and totally missed the chance to grab my hand. [how cute] ANYWAY~ he stops at the place where we had our first kiss and he gives me a card about first kisses and tells me he loves me. [awww] Well, Mike proceeded to stop at several places during our walk where we have special memories and give me a card at each one. [I still didn't pick up on it, I just thought that this was a fun game he thought up, :) ]

As we continued on our walk, I knew where we would end up... at the pond. Honestly, though, I just thought that we were going to kill some more time before the movie and make out on the pier a little bit. :) We were having the sweetest conversation about all of our memories on this pier when we arrived and I saw that there was a blanket on the pier with candles all around it. There was a bottle of sparking grape juice and two goblets with a red rose... and just as it dawned on me what was going on, he got on one knee and gave a speech I don't remember because of the tears, but I do remember when he said, "Elizabeth Ann Siltman, would you be my wife?"

I now have this beautiful white gold marquise solitaire on my left hand.

WIll you be my Valentine?

I, for one, love Valentine's Day. I hear all the time how it is commercialized and cliche' and lacks meaning...basically forced romance when it would be sweeter on a normal day. I have heard it called everything from Black Death to Single Awareness Day (SAD)...blah blah blah.

I am prefectly aware that all of that is quite true, and yet.... I still love Valentines Day. I always have, it remains one of my favorite holidays ever since I was a little kid. It may be because my parents made us Valentines breakfast growing up and gave us little gifts in the morning and told us it was about reminding the people you love most how much they mean to you.

At any rate, I have no real reasoning except I may be the most hopeless romantic and complete sucker for cliche' Valentines greetings. Oh well, I embrace Valentines Day. It just makes me smile.

Mental block or mental breakdown?

Before this semester, if someone had asked me if I would rather write a paper or take a test, I would have chosen the paper without hesitation. Sadly, now as I procrastinate further by blogging about how much I dont want to write this paper, I am at a loss for words.

It is almost sad because this has the potential to be a really interesting paper, but I am not doing my thesis justice. In fact, I am a page in to it and I have nothing left to say. I feel blocked.

There was so much I wanted to write about but I cannot think of anything worth saying, my analysis of this profound work is medicore at best.

Normally I adore C.S. Lewis, and I beleive at some point he will continue to be my favorite author. But tonight, and probably this semester, I am drowning in his words.

I am starting a Feminist Movement!!!!!!

Following a meeting with a professor of mine in which the words "If you don't go to graduate school, you're stupid, it'd be a waste..." clung in the air around my mind and have followed me around for a couple of days.

I have been engaging myself in introspection these last couple weeks and I have determined that I do not have any tiny hearts desire to go to graduate school and that if I choose not to project myself into the veins of the professional world, I will not be a failure.

No matter what I choose I will leave this institution an educated woman with the not only the freedom, but the RIGHT to decide which path to continue on and how to employ my education. Notice how I say "how to employ" and not "whether or not I employ". My eduation and the knowledge I take from here will be mine always and it is something that no one can dismiss or take away from me during this lifetime.

It is because of certain modern organizations of women that I have never called myself a feminist and have felt insulted at the thought of being categorized as one, until today. I am not a feminist in the modern connation of the word because I believe that the way it is defined today is not Feminism. Unfortunatley, it is difficult to alter a social definition so I will call myself a classical feminist in the same way that I am a classical liberal.

It offends me that modern feminism would have the audacity to belittle other women and descriminate against them because of their right to choose other values above their careers. It is not acceptable in any way for women to feel that they are a "waste" or "stupid" within our society if they do not pursue professional advancement in their career field.

I would like to start a Political Action Committee dedicated and created for women, like myself, who are educated and in every way believe themselves to be equals in society but also hold the belief that it is just as sucessful to stay home with their children or use thier education in a different fashion than being professionally sucessful according to society's standards.

This PAC would be conservative, pro-life, pro-family, pro-women. I feel like educated women like myself who holds this opinion and are comfortable with the idea of mothers staying home with their children , if they are able to, are underrepresented. While it is not everyone's ability or luxury, the problem is the attitude toward those who choose who do from extreme "feminist" ideologies that are currently permeating the young minds in our society and is its own form of sexism.

So, this is my latest tirade but I certainly hope that this goal will eventually come to fruition whether by myself or someone else who feels the same way.

God, you have until Monday.

I have heard over and over that people who are prone to stressing out can expect to knock several years off of their life span. I have no idea how scientific that tidbit actually is, but the problem with it is that people like me proceed to worry about how much they are stressing. This is counterproductive and perpetuates the whole sickness.

Recently, as in the last two days, I have achieved some interesting self-discovery. I have a problematic tendency to overwhelm myself and mask it as "stepping up to the challenge" when really I am just refusing to delagate and not able to correctly identify my own breaking point.

Unfortuantely, this leads then to complete discouragement of my time management skills and confidence and an obsession with "what-ifs".

I began to realize all this when I found myself praying and trying to have an intimate time with God and ask for peace and wisdom in some decisions. I stopped mid-prayer because it dawned on me that I had just told God that I must have an answer by Monday at the very latest.

hmmmm.

I really don't think that was wise and I am quite shocked at myself.
If you ever wanna hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.

So here I am. My head pounds while I wait patiently for the fateful Monday which will determine this semester with the feeling that it will be one of those forks in the road of life that alters so many paths. But I must be still and know that He is God, I suppose that is the best plan.

"Sometimes beauty school sounds so appealing."- lovely Dacia

Let it snow, let it snow...

This picture made me laugh, Jonathan and Aaron were playing in the snow. Aaron is the one in the picture. This is what happens when you still wanna do everything you older brother tells you to. :) It made my day.

It snowed on Wednesday and was about 4 degrees outside, today it is 65 and all the snow is gone which makes me sad. However, Pennsylvania has almost 10! I get to have a white Christmas this year, it will be the first one since I was 8.

pondering significance

"Nothing of importance happened today." - King George III in his journal entry dated July 4, 1776.

The irony of that statement.

It gives me somewhat of a foreboding feeling when I consider that the most seemily insignificant days and the smallest of decisions have the extraordinary ability to change your life forever.

Honey-nut Christmas

I am sitting here facing a chapter in Evidences and a Bible test tomorrow and yet there are a million other things I can think of that are so much more entertaining, like blogging, for instance. More accurately, I am sitting here being the ultimate distracted procrastinator with a box of Honey-nut Cheerios listening to the Christmas music playlists I have just created. A moment ago I was singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" along with Twila Paris and "The Christmas Song" with Bing while shoving my mouth with dozens of little honey-nut o's. Then I laughed in spite of myself because I am conviced that if I was Dacia and I had walked in on that, I would have died laughing and made fun of me. Yes, I have joined the rest of commercialism and started celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving. Ah well, there are only a few months out of the year that you can get away with it. ;)

Book recommendation!!!

I have a book recommendation!! The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. LeGuin. It is a realtively short read and full of thought provoking elements.
Intriguing. I would love to discuss it with someone.

Star Trek, Thanksgiving, and archetypes

I absolutely love this literature class, I have just learned that while we study the utopia/dystopia archetype [my new favorite way to look at things] we will be examining science fiction to some degree. Science fiction exemplifies this archetype often and is probably the most creative and interesting genre to study, especially in regards to this archetype. We are scheduled to read a novel and several short stories and ...ah yes... watch some Star Trek: The Next Generation and do a character analysis on Captain Picard. I am throughly amused.

What will I be doing over Thanksgiving break? Watching Star Trek for Lit class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have never looked forward to a Thanksgiving more than I look forward to this one. Of course, there are more reasons than Star Trek.

It's a beautiful day today. ~
I would love to nap in a grassy flower field near a big oak tree and a stream.
I have had three hours of sleep and I do not anticipate much sleep tonight either. Tomorrow is a full day of tests and presentations and I do nto anticipate a meal today until 10:30 tonight. Ah well. the queerest thing to happen to me this week is that the new "fun thing" at work is for every credit card you get a customer to apply for... you get a lottery ticket. All 4 have won me nothing so far. Honestly, just give me the three bucks and be done with it. I would be 12 dollars richer, dang it!

...yet computers are not really that good for listening

I have good days i really do, I actually am a very happy person, but I have realized that, of late, I only feel like posting when I am either angry or down or plain overwhelmed about something. Maybe thats not so healthy~ relying on a computer to vent to... Oh well maybe I should pray more when I am feeling like this.

Does anyone else feel like screaming so loud, and just letting the tears fall from your face~ somewhere that no one but you and God can be...?

There are not enough hours in the day to get anything done.

sometimes windows can't be opened

I think that in some ways fall break was bad for me. I feel weary and basically frustrated. I want to enjoy life to its fullest, so what on Earth in holding me back? myself? I am trying my best to sieze hold of this time in my life because I know it will be over in an instant and yet I cannot help looking to the future to another time and another place. Maybe the inner army child is aching for change and adventure. "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired" I feel like life has so much more to offer sometimes and then other times I feel undoubtedly happy and content. Maybe its just a phase, maybe its because I am sick and everythiing feels harder when you don't feel well. This dorm room epitomizes how my life feels today. You can't open the window.

Ok~ I deemed it time for a new post, and yet I found myself sharing in the common experience of not having anything profound to share. Oh well. I will most likely have plenty to say when I return from seeing my parents in Pennsylvania [which I am beyond excited about].

I am as excited to go back to my family as a child is in the hotel room the night before she goes into Disney World for the first time...
thats pretty excited.

Fare thee well. The semester is half over.

"Few delights can equal the mere presence of one whom we fully trust."
-George McDonald

Pi Zeta Phi ~ rocks?

So after rush MONTH, I have a achieved approved social status among the girls in Pi Zeta Phi social club. Do not get me wrong, I am ecstatic to be associated with this amazing, fun, and Godly group of girls. The problem is that now it is Pledge Week. I am fairly confident that I will sufficiently run out of time to breathe, let alone sleep. I am aware that I will probably never forget this week, I just hope that it is a fond and amusing reminisce and not look back on regretting how I used my time.

This requires much prayer, hind sight is 20/20 and I am also aware that this could quite possibly one of the dumbest stresses I have ever had. [ Yeah, thats right, it doesn't even get to be called a problem, just a stress. ]

I hope you are all well!!

Sam and Doug, I miss you both terribly and I hope you are well!

as my head swims

I do not understand Godel sentences. Either I am dumb at philosophical apologetics or my professor's lofty language is just uninterpretable.

Kung Fu Hustle

This past weekend I was subjected to some of the most tasteless cinematic roll I have ever experienced. I felt terrible since it is a movie that people I care about deeply thouroughly enjoy this movie...yet I did not. So, I have watched this movie and come to the similar opinion of Carin. I thought it was garish and insipid. I apologize profusely to anyone I may have offended.

I also went to a Chiefs game which was an interesting commentary on human behavior, but I had a blast. Apparently, the fight chant for the team is "We're gonna beat the Hell outta you! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!"... and they did.

I wish airplanes had wireless

I recently got the privilege of flying in to Chicago O'Hare when the sun was setting and out when dusk had set. I have to say, from thoudands of feet, Chicago is one of the most beautful cities in twilight. There are moments like that where I, and I may be the only one, have some odd things on my mind besides the unique beauty outside the small window. I always wonder who is watching my airplane. At that moment someone is seeing us from the opposite perspective and the paths of our lives have crossed. Are they wishing they were on this plane, no matter where it is going? I often wish I were on the planes that I see above me and I wonder if they are wondering back.

Also, I could have been so much more productive if airplanes had wireless. Oh well I suppose that they are being wise. Although, if I know myself at all I probably would have stared out the window anyway. Sometimes that is just what you need... simply to stare out the window. The mind can be most entertaining.

At the risk of sounding like and awful person...

The reason I am enrolled in this institution of higher learning is to do just that.. learn. Apparently I am a freak of nature, and of our popular culture for that matter, and academic apathy runs rampant in the veins of this student body.

Finally

I am sitting here in my new suite with my roomate while she listens to Boyz2Men and Maroon5 and we discuss nothing in particular, except it is a mutual sadness that we miss our sweet little apartment more than we ever thought we would. Our Suitemate is nice and seemingly easy to live with so far, but it has certainly taken getting used to having someone else added into the equation. Yet, there is a pleasant comfort and the closet feeling of home being here in this world of OC. All of our friends have returned, and while life is always changing... these people are as familiar as a hometown. It is nice to be in this company. Most of all, I am enjoying the forever presence of the love of my life.

Jars of Clay gave a free concert last night and I was more excited than anyone else in my group was, but I did not care, they soothe my soul and I could listen to Dan Hasseltine all night. It was wonderful.

My Harry Potter depression has lifted... sorry to have sounded so vindictive in my earlier blog, I promise it was not directed at any particular individual. I was set off by a more recent incident and got fed up. Sorry honey.